The Woggle-Bug Book Read online

side ofthe basket they would act in the same way a parachute does, and bearhim gently to the ground.

  No sooner did this thought occur to him than he put it into practice.

  Disentangling his wings from his coat-tails, he spread them as wide aspossible and then jumped from the car of the balloon.

  Down, down the Woggle-Bug sank; but so slowly that there was no dangerin the flight. He began to see the earth again, lying beneath him likea sun-kissed panorama of mud and frog-ponds and rocks and brushwood.

  There were few trees, yet it was our insect's fate to drop directlyabove what trees there were, so that presently he came ker-plunk into amass of tangled branches--and stuck there, with his legs danglinghelplessly between two limbs and his wings caught in the foliage ateither side.

  Below was a group of Arab children, who at first started to run away.But, seeing that the queer creature which had dropped from the skieswas caught fast in the tree, they stopped and began to throw stones andclubs at it. One of the missiles struck the tree-limb at the right ofthe Woggle-Bug and jarred him loose. The next instant he fluttered tothe ground, where his first act was to fold up his wings and tuck themunderneath his coat-tails again, and his next action was to assurehimself that the beloved plaids were still safe.

  Then he looked for the Arab children; but they had scuttled awaytowards a group of tents, and now several men with dark skins and gayclothing came from the tents and ran towards the Woggle-Bug.

  "Good morning," said our hero, removing his hat with a flourish andbowing politely.

  "Meb-la-che-bah!" shouted the biggest Arab, and at once two otherswound coils of rope around the Woggle-Bug and tied the ends in hardknots.

  His hat was knocked off and trampled into the mud by the Shiek (who wasthe big Arab), and the precious parcel was seized and ruthlesslyopened.

  "Very good!" said the Shiek, eyeing the plaids with pleasure. "Myslaves shall make me a new waistcoat of this cloth."

  "No! oh, no!" cried the agonized Insect; "it is taken from a person whohas had small-pox and yellow-fever and toothache and mumps--all at thesame time. Do not, I bet you, risk your valuable life by wearing thatcloth!"

  "Bah!" said the Shiek, scornfully; "I have had all those diseases andmany more. I am immune. But now," he continued, "allow me to bid yougood-bye. I am sorry to be obliged to kill you, but such is ourcustom."

  This was bad news for the Woggle-Bug; but he did not despair.

  "Are you not afraid to kill me?" he asked, as if surprised.

  "Why should I be afraid?" demanded the Shiek.

  "Because it is well-known that to kill a woggle-bug brings bad luck toone."

  The Shiek hesitated, for he was very superstitious.

  "Are you a woggle-bug?" he asked.

  "I am," replied the Insect, proudly. "And I may as well tell you thatthe last person who killed one of my race had three unlucky days. Thefirst his suspenders broke (the Arab shuddered), the second day hesmashed a looking-glass (the Arab moaned), and the third day he waschewed up by a crocodile."

  Now the greatest aversion Arabs have is to be chewed by a crocodile,because these people usually roam over the sands of the desert, whereto meet an amphibian is simply horrible; so at the Woggle-Bug's speechthey set up a howl of fear, and the Shiek shouted:

  "Unbind him! Let not a hair of his head be injured!"

  At once the knots in the ropes were untied, and the Woggle-Bug wasfree. All the Arabs united to show him deference and every respectfulattention, and since his own hat had been destroyed they wound abouthis head a picturesque turban of an exquisite soiled white color,having stripes of red and yellow in it.

  Then the Woggle-Bug was escorted to the tents, where he suddenlyremembered his precious plaids, and asked that the cloth he restored tohim.

  Thereupon the Shiek got up and made a long speech, in which hedescribed his grief at being obliged to refuse the request.

  At the end of that time one of the women came op to them with a lovelywaistcoat which she had manufactured out of the Wagnerian plaids; andwhen the Shiek saw it he immediately ordered all the tom-toms andkettle-drums in the camp destroyed, as they were no longer necessary.Then he put on the gorgeous vestment, and turned a deaf ear to theWoggle-Bug's agonized wails.

  But there were some scraps of cloth left, and to show that he wasliberal and good-natured, the Shiek ordered these manufactured into ahandsome necktie, which he presented Woggle-Bug in another long speech.

  Our hero, realizing a larger part of his darling was lost to him,decided to be content with the smaller share; so he put on the necktie,and felt really proud of its brilliance and aggressive elegance.

  Then, bidding the Arabs farewell, he strode across the desert until hereached the borders of a more fertile and favored country.

  Indeed, he found before him a cool and enticing jungle, which at firstseemed deserted. But while he stared about him a sound fell upon hisear, and he saw approaching a young lady Chimpanzee. She was evidentlya personage of some importance, for her hair was neatly banged justover her eyes, and she wore a clean white pinafore with bows of pinkribbon at the shoulders.

  "Good morning, Mr. Beetle," said she, with merry laughter.

  "Do not, I beg of you, call me a beetle," exclaimed our hero, ratherpeevishly; "for I am actually a Woggle-Bug, and Highly-Magnified atthat!"

  "What's in a name?" laughed the gay damsel. "Come, let me introduce youto our jungle, where strangers of good breeding are always welcome."

  "As for breeding," said the Woggle-Bug, "my father, although ofordinary size, was a famous Bug-Wizard in his day, and claimed descentfrom the original protoplasm which constituted the nucleus of thepresent planetary satellite upon which we exist."

  "That's all right," returned Miss Chim. "Tell that to our king, andhe'll decorate you with the medal of the Omnipotent Order of OnerousOrthographers, Are you ready to meander?"

  The Woggle-Bug did not like the flippant tone in which maiden spoke;but he at once followed her.

  Presently they came to a tall hedge surrounding the Inner Jungle, andwithout this hedge stood a patrol of brown bears who wore redsoldier-caps and carried gold-plated muskets in their hands.

  "We call this the bearier," said Miss Chim, pointing to the soldiers,"because they oblige all strangers to paws."

  "I should think it was a bearicade," remarked the Woggle-Bug.

  But when they approached the gateway the officer in charge salutedrespectfully to Miss Chim, and permitted her to escort the Woggle-Buginto the sacred precincts of the Inner Jungle.

  Here his eyes were soon opened to their widest capacity in genuineastonishment.

  The Jungle was as clean and as well-regulated as any city of men theInsect had ever visited. Just within the gate a sleek antelope wasrunning a pop-corn stand, and a little further on a screech-owl stoodupon a stump playing a violin, while across her breast was a signreading: "I am blind--at present."

  As they walked up the street they came to a big grey monkey turning ahand-organ, and attached to a cord was a little nigger-boy whom themonkey sent into the crowd of animals, standing by to gather up thepennies, pulling him back every now and then by means of the cord.

  "There's a curious animal for you," said Miss Chim, pointing to theboy. "Those horrid things they call men, whether black or white, seemto me the lowest of all created beasts."

  "I have seen them in a highly civilized state," replied the Woggle-Bug,"and they're really further advanced than you might suppose."

  But Miss Chim gave a scornful laugh, and pulled him away to where ahippopotamus sat under the shade of a big tree, mopping his brow with ared handkerchief--for the weather was somewhat sultry. Before the hipwas a table covered with a blue cloth, and upon the cloth wasembroidered the words: "Professor Hipmus, Fortune Teller."

  "Want your fortune told?" asked Miss Chim.

  "I don't mind," replied the Woggle-Bug.

  "I'll read your hand," said the Professor, with a yawn that startledthe insect. "To my notion palm
istry is the best means of finding outwhat nobody knows or cares to know."

  He took the upper-right hand of the Woggle-Bug, and after adjusting hisspectacles bent over it with an air of great wisdom.

  "You have been in love," announced the Professor; "but you got it inthe neck."

  "True!" murmured the astonished Insect, putting up his left lower handto feel of the beloved necktie.

  "You think you have won," continued the Hip; "but there are others whohave 1, 2. You have many heart throbs before you, during your futurelife. Afterward I see no heart throbs whatever. Forty cents, please."

  "Isn't he just wonderful?" asked Miss Chim, with enthusiasm. "He's thegreatest fortune teller in the jungle."

  "On account of his size, I suppose," returned the Woggle-Bug, as theywalked on.

  Soon they came to the Royal Palace, which was a beautiful bower formedof vines upon which grew many brilliant-hued forest flowers. Theentrance was guarded by a Zebra, who barred admission until Miss Chimwhispered the password in his ear. Then he permitted them to enter, andthe Chimpanzee immediately ushered the Woggle-Bug into the presence ofKing Weasel.

  This monarch lay coiled upon a purple silk cushion, half asleep and yetwakeful enough to be smoking a big cigar. Beside him crouched twoprairie-dogs who were combing his hair very carefully, while a redsquirrel perched near his head and fanned him with her bushy tail.

  "Dear me, what have we here?" exclaimed the King of the Jungle, in aquerulous tone, "Is it an over-grown pinch-bug, or is it akissing-bug?"

  "I have the honor to be a Woggle-Bug, your Majesty!" replied our hero,proudly.

  "Sav, cut out that Majesty," snapped the King, with a scowl. "If youcan find anything majestic about me, I'd like to know what it is."

  "Don't treat him with any respect," whispered Miss Chim to the Insect,"or you'll get him riled. Sneer at him, and slap his face if you get achance."

  The Woggle-Bug took the hint.

  "Really," he told the King. "I have never seen a more despicablecreature than you. The admirable perspicacity inherent in your tribeseems to have deteriorated in you to a hyperbolated insousancy." Thenhe reached out his arms and slapped the king four times, twice on oneside of his face and twice on the other.

  "Thanks, my dear June-Bug," said the monarch; "I now recognize you tobe a person of some importance."

  "Sire, I am a Woggle-Bug, highly magnified and thoroughly educated. Itis no exaggeration to say I am the greatest Woggle-Bug on earth."

  "I fully believe it, so pray do not play any more foursomes on my jaw.I am sufficiently humiliated at this moment to recognize you as aSullivanthauros, should you claim to be a member of that extinct race."

  Then two little weasels--a boy weasel and a girl weasel--came into thebower and threw their school-books at the squirrel so cleverly that onehit the King upon the nose and smashed his cigar and the other caughthim fairly in the pit of his stomach.

  At first the monarch howled a bit; then he wiped the tears from hisface and said:

  "Ah, what delightful children I have! What do you wish, my darlings?"

  "I want a cent for chewing gum," said the Girl Weasel.

  "Get it from the Guinea-Pig; you have my assent. And what does my dearboy want?"

  "Pop," went the Weasel, "our billy-goat has swallowed the hare you gaveme to play with."

  "Dear me," sighed the King, "how often I find a hair in the butter!Whenever I reign people carry umbrellas; and my son, although quitepolished, indulges only in monkey-shines! Uneasy lies the head thatwears a crown! but if one is scalped, the loss of the crown renders thehead still more uneasy."

  "Couldn't they find a better king than you?" enquired the Woggle-Bug,curiously, as the children left the bower.

  "Yes; but no worse," answered the Weasel; "and here in the junglehonors are conferred only upon the unworthy. For if a truly greatanimal is honored he gets a swelled head, and that renders himunbearable. They now regard the King of the Jungle with contempt, andthat makes all my subjects self-respecting."

  "There is wisdom in that," declared the Woggle-Bug, approvingly; "asingle glance at you makes me content with being so excellent a bug."

  "True," murmured the King, yawning. "But you tire me, good stranger.Miss Chim, will you kindly get the gasoline can? It's high time toeradicate this insect."

  "With pleasure," said Miss Chim, moving away with a smile.

  But the Woggle-Bug did not linger to be eradicated. With one wild boundhe cleared the door of the palace and sprinted up the entrance of theJungle. The bear soldiers saw him running away, and took careful aimand fired. But the gold-plated muskets would not shoot straight, andnow the Woggle-Bug was far distant, and still running with all hismight.

  Nor did he pause until he had emerged from the forest and crossed theplains, and reached at last the city from whence he had escaped in theballoon. And, once again in his old lodgings, he looked at himself inthe mirror and said:

  "After all, this necktie is my love--and my love is now mineforevermore! Why should I not be happy and content?"

  THE END.

  _A full account of the Woggle-Bug is given in Mr. Baum's delightfulcounter story, _THE MARVELOUS LAND OF OZ,_ in which is also narratedthe amazing adventures of the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, JackPumpkinhead and the Animated Saw Horse.